Finding good people is easy…Finding good friends is not always so easy…

Truth: I have been a very bad friend before. I don’t blame my childhood because I try to not blame others but I will say, I didn’t understand how to be a true friend when I was younger.  Now I am still not a perfect friend, but I still try to improve myself and my relationships.  

During a time of trying to connect with other business builders in my industry and hopefully make new friends I struggled for several years to really make these friendships stick. I desperately wanted a friend or 3 to bounce ideas off of and pray with over a cup of coffee. I would go to conferences and see these teams of women and men that were celebrating and supporting each other and growing their businesses well. Oh how I yearned to be a part of something like that.

One day I really felt nudged by the Holy Spirit to create my own group.  If I had a need, I probably was not the only one. I knew I was going outside of my “niche” of health and wellness but I was so sure this was the right thing for me to do and the right time to do it. 

So I did. 

The requirement was women that had a small biz or hobby that they were trying to make a viable business to help support themselves or their families. Praying together and supporting each other and sharing business tips, needs etc. Someone with a side hustle or small business that also knew the importance of having a network or community behind them.   We called it a Side Hustle Prayer Group.

I cannot take credit for the group of women and resulting deep relationships that developed. God was and continues to be in it. Until I started inviting women to coffee and prayer for business I never realized how much I was surrounded by entrepreneurial humans! It was fantastic and exciting! 

This was another pivotal moment in my life. I said yes to being vulnerable. To lead a group. To put myself out there.  What I did not require was political views, sexual preference, religious views and marital or “maternal” status. No shame, No judgment, No expectation of how much time you put into your business. What a glorious model for any group. Just be there to support, encourage and learn.   

This group of women that I have grown so close to are my pillars of faith, love, laughter and inspiration that I lean on all the time. I am eternally grateful for each of these beautiful amazing people.  And of course, I am so glad I took a chance.  

We come from different backgrounds, different experiences, and different beliefs. But we are there for eachother. We are not jealous of each other and we root for each other.   

So here are some things I’ve learned in the process:  

1. Be vulnerable (to a point) first. Say hi, ask them for coffee. 
2. Don’t take things personally. There is an opportunity for offense everywhere we look. If you look for it, you will find it. The same is true for kindness.   
3. Listen x 3
4.  It’s a two-way street being a friend. If they say they want to get together but don’t make the time, it’s just not the right time for them.  Also if you’re doing all the listening and they’re not then that’s another sign that they may not be ready to be your friend.   
5. Be Honest – With yourself and with others. You will put up a very big wall if you are not. The truth will eventually come out so you may as well start the right way.
6. Give it time – not all relationships click right away. It can take time to find a real connection. 
7. Date around (friends) there are many facets to us. You will connect with many different people that might create a beautiful and diverse group of close friendships. 
8. Nobody is perfect. I was a shit friend for years. We mature, we change and hopefully get better in all relationships-Don’t hold grudges and don’t gossip!  
9. Don’t gossip! Getting together to gossip is not a connection point we can build upon. Yes, it does connect you but I guarantee you that you will not trust that person with your most intimate or embarrassing issues you need prayer over. That old saying goes, “If they talk about others, they’ll talk about you” is true. 

Again, I have been a crappy friend and wince at the thought of how I must have hurt friends in my past. Experience has been the best teacher. Failing at things clarifies what we want to change in ourselves and our actions. If you’ve made mistakes in the past, please please forgive yourself and do better now. Do better going forward. 

XO

Elsa